The Mud Pies

I was born loving the center of attention. Flaunting big brown eyes, bouncing ringlets, and a huge toothy grin always made it so easy. Although I am not near as cute, I still end up the center of attention. It is my big mouth that does it! I don't always welcome it anymore. It is usually very embarrassing. That is a story for another day.


I enjoyed two whole years of being an only child. I was accustomed to making a peep (banging my crib against the wall over and over) and my devoted parents would come running. I had the whole pie as my father later fondly called it. I liked the whole pie... So when my brother came along... Let's just say I was less than welcoming.


My mother had to rescue the poor boy from my jealous two year old grasp more than once. I attempted to drown him in toys in his crib and then with water. My mother knew that tying me up or putting me in a cage was illegal although the thought MUST have crossed her mind. She came up with another solution. She bestowed on me the title of "second mommy". It ensured his survival. I think I misunderstood "mommy" for "master" because it was right around that time that I began to dominate the poor boy.


When we played I would tell him how. I would tell him what to do and when. I was at the top of the pecking order even when I was secretly having a fun time with the little squirt. It was around that time that I discovered pranks... All on my own.


I always thought mud pies were cool. After it rained the mud in our back yard was perfect! My mother gave me some muffin tins for that very purpose. It came with a lesson. One of the tins was dented. "Sin is like that dent, No matter how many things you make in that tin the dent is there. Adam passed that dent unto us all." she said solemnly. I would remember that every time I made mud pies, and for the rest of my life.


I had made a particularly beautiful batch of mud pies one day. Mom put them on the deck to dry. They looked just like yummy brownies. I smiled at my talents. Not everyone can make mud look that good. It was at that moment my two year old brother came out on the deck. I am not sure what inspired the thought of tricking this little kid into eating mud, but once I thought of it I thought I was a genius.


I called him over. He saw the mud pies. The look on his face delighted me... (I was a mean kid man!) He thought they were brownies too! I slyly asked with a huge eyed innocent smile, "Would you like one?" He was so excited. (I rarely shared anything at that point in time) I gave him the prettiest one. He stuffed it right in his mouth. First he looked confused. Then disgust filled his features. Guess it did not taste like chocolate! I laughed so hard at my funny prank. I laughed while my brother ran inside spitting mud everywhere. I did not laugh when my mother came out. She did not have her usual sense of humor that day.


You would think that the spanking I got would have taught me a lesson. 


The next time I used shaving cream on top. That one was worth the spanking I KNEW I would get.