When Clowns Attack

Most kids love clowns. They usually come with all sorts of great goodies. Stickers, face painting, and little balloon poodles. I had never really been up close to one at the tender age of toddler. I think I may have seen one from far away, but from that range he was a funny man with a red nose and orange hair. It did not imprint on my memory if I had.

My parents had a friend that really liked me. He brought me a pretty doll that was oriental. I named her "Two". The reasoning behind that I don't know. For a kid with my imagination you would think that I could come up with a better one. He was a good friend of the family, which I knew even at two years of age. He was also a professional clown, which I did not know. Kids love clowns... don't they?

I was in the living room when the doorbell rang. My mother went to answer the door. I heard her greet someone and then heard a familiar voice respond. No reason for alarm. The next thing I know a flash of color enters my vision and I am being held aloft by a monster! He laughed in a high pitched giggle and said, "Hello there little Elizabeth!" in a high pitched weird voice.

Needless to say, I did not have any clue that this was a person I knew. The fact that it knew my name was terrifying to say the least, but even more terrifying was the appearance of this giggling beast! His face was the color of a dead person (not that I had ever seen a dead person) but I knew people did not normally have white faces! His mouth was horribly huge and red! His cheeks were huge! His eyes were so painted they looked like they were glowing. His hair was a huge mass of red fluff. This thing had me inches from his maw! I think I was very convinced I was about to be eaten.

My terror was proclaimed by a serious of horrid screams that would not stop! My mother tried to take me but once he let me go I was gone! Straight under the bed! It took a very long time before I would come out, and you better believe that poor man thought twice about grabbing kids unprepared for his jolly fun!

To this day I cannot handle any "Bobo" type clown. By that I mean the traditional one. The white face, exaggerated red mouth up to the cheeks, painted eyes, with a bushy red wig. If they come around me they get offended, or they laugh. I am not around long enough to find out.

The irony of this story is I now live in a very small town that adores clowns. They have a college for them!!! They have walkabouts on the streets!!! My saving grace is most of them look like Strawberry Shortcake. Toby, however is another matter. He is their leader. He is the one that I fear... He is like 90 years old, but he will set me running in two shakes of a balloon dog's tail.